The Esoteric

I want to write about the esoteric

And how it’s anything but generic

The barbaric ways of the soul

Parts of the unknown, out of control

Getting just a little part of the whole

Knowing Pamela and knowing her role

Going where the waters flowing

The cards glowing with fire

Teaching me about my desires

The Dire Wolf by my side

Requires me to retire at night

Learning about the black light

And things hidden from sight

It excites and delights me

Knowing I’m never alone with her

She sends me into flight

Always choosing the left

Never the right

I chose to see these things

And these things bring knowledge

From life experience

I’m curious about the Esoteric

And studying pays off

More is to be revealed

Rearranging My Mind

The times are changing

And my mind needs rearranging

Lift my soul to the top

Till I can’t stop

Drop all unwanted thoughts

And spill the beans

If you know what I mean

Being completely honest

Is the best form of protection

Not to mention

You don’t have to remember any lies

Time seems to fly

When I’m like this 

In absolute bliss


My form of fighting

This is to my liking


October 22nd 2008

October 22nd 2008 is my suicide attempt day

I can’t tell you every detail, but this is what I’ll say

I was in a tremendous amount of pain

Satan as my accomplice, I took God’s name in vein

I was sad over a girl that treated me like shit

After so much, I couldn’t take anymore, I was done with it

I left work early that day and went home

Went straight to the bathroom, I didn’t roam

Listening to Bob Dylan’s song “Tangled Up In Blue”

This is how I attempted suicide, this is what I did do

Half a family size bottle of Tylenol makes my stomach rumble

Next, two prescriptions of Trazedone which makes me stumble

Also I didn’t know Tylenol was a blood thinner

Two other suicide attempts, I was not a beginner

I grabbed my two razor blades, got in that evil shower

Slitting my left wrist again and again, that was the power

So many cuts, I thought I was done

Nope, decided to cut again inside the middle one

I laid down in comfort as I lost the red blood

From all my cuts came a non-stopping bloody flood

I’d stand up for a few seconds just to fall right back down

It was at that moment I could feel evils crown

As I sat in warmth, Satan walks in

Evil thoughts and wicked laughs start to begin

Honestly, I could feel his presence right by my side

I couldn’t get up and run, there was no place to hide

I lost so much blood, I had no control

Over my strong body, I was losing my soul

Every single second I could feel myself starting to die

I didn’t want to live, I thought there was no reason why

I started to shake uncontrollably, the water had gone cold

In that shower for an hour and a half, I thought I was sold

The water was ice cold, I had to get out

Slipping and falling as I tried to stand about

I wanted to be warm so I grabbed my black towel

Next part of the story was my biggest foul

I lost my balance so I put my left hand down

Fell again and again, it was a bloody mess, I did frown

This scene was literally Hell on Earth

I felt like my life was not worth

All of the sudden there were bangs on the door

It was then my heart sunk to the deep core

“What the fuck is going on in there man?

Unlock the door or I’m busting it open, you know I can!”

It took me 30 seconds to unlock that impossible knob

He was staring in, back and forth I did bob

“Where the fuck did all this blood come from?!”

I showed him my wrist, I was completely numb

He asked why I had done it

At that time I lost so much blood I couldn’t say shit

He wrapped me in a blanket, carried me down 3 flights of stairs

I knew death was not far, he was saving me because he cares

There was one thing that might have saved me

I wanted heat, he said no and turned on the AC

He drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital

He knew I was close to death and it was fatal

When we arrived he ran for a wheelchair

Rushed me into the hospital, then started to Blair

“This kid’s cut himself way fucking bad!”

All the other patients were shocked and sad

Multiple doctors came to save me from Hell

Then they said “you can close your eyes, all is well”

Why I was saved, truly I do not know

I think it was just an intermission in my show

#poetry #suicideawareness

Crypt will you open this bliss

For the miss with brown hair

For a triple dog dare

In the air

Talking to you


Taking care in all aspects

Respect the falling of words

To my bloodied page

Showing my age 

The wild beast escapes his cage

Releasing his rage to the mage

Who cast spells aside

On his dragon as his ride



Like a tasmanian devil

I level your head 

By what’s said

About the dead

Scripts of secret knowledge

Of real fatntasy

I see clearly

Of what’s done and been

To the triple sin

Triple X

For unreal effects

The girl played the clarinet

And sent me to hell

To forget about this shit

I slpit ends

Making the edges bend

Living full at the moment

Never knowing when to crown

The Knight of swords

Looking up to the Ace of cups

I have too much stuff

So I let go

To follow the flow

Of h2o

Of no, oh no

Show the flag

Take a drag

And bag the hag

A perfect score to have



Writing Is My Glory

Writing is my Glory

Let me tell a story

Of an old man

Who thinks he can

Out write the rest

His heart beating in his chest

Breathing for his writing

His only way of fighting

The lines go down like lightning

Never putting down the pen

Just a break

For heavensake

I believe in the God’s and Goddess’s

For giving me my power

In life form

Of a horrible storm

Making the light the norm

Of reform

Where to go

I don’t know

How low the ladder goes

But it’s long

And never ends

Just twists and bends

Occasionally good friends

And good times

All in the life line


The book of the dead

Is inside my head

Drifting, writing all over

The walls of my mind

All the numbers and planets

The moon and stars

Inquire within

Where I begin

Writing for passion

In unique fashion

Planting every word

Into place

Trying to get a smile on that face

And seeing the love in the fight

Gives me second sight

When I write



I’ll be simple

And let this ripple


In plain form

Winter’s storm

Snow flakes

And earthquakes


As she reads my hand

Telling me my fortune

Of dark and light

Giving me second sight

In the coldest night

No fight or fright

Just might

And the will to work

Black Magic

I need the dark

To show me

Tails of old

Of fools gold

And treasure troves

Listening in silence

Waiting for angels

Or demons

To show me their true form

Slicing through this mental storm

Reform society

In early sobriety

It eats at me

What I do not know

And where it comes from

Black magic is some

Forming my own beliefs

Walking the empty streets

Of mental insanity

What is this calamity